A Message To My Past Self
Advice for fun and profit
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I’m now 23 and 2 years ago I did a review of my life. Growing up I always had a difficult time fitting in with other people. I was a loner who hated school and was really shy.
Recently, I realized that the cause of my social awkwardness was precisely because I was trying to fit in.
I was so intent on not being found as different that it resulted in a lot of anxiety in any social setting. The solution I’ve found is simply not trying to fit in.
To be rigorously authentic1.
With this in mind, I thought about what I would say to ease the troubled soul of my past self.
This article is about self-determination and getting the most out of life.
Advice to my 12 year old self
Realize that most people around you don't know what they're talking about.
When I was young I let others manage the world for me. Most of the world happened to me rather than me to it.
My parents chose where I lived, what schools I went to, and what I did. So naturally, you extend this forward and you think the world is your parents because back then it sort of was.
A consequence of this is that you start waiting on your parents for everything. If you don't grow from this you end up depending entirely on your parents for everything. For a sense of direction and purpose and meaning.
Which should not be so because then you’re living their lives and not yours. The foundation for your life becomes shaky since they're based entirely on somebody else's principles. You have no way of knowing what to do in the long run because you're playing someone else's game.
As a child, the world, as is presented by those around you is an overly simplistic representation filled with biases.
This is not to say that any view can be without bias or simplifications2. And there are too many things in the world to have an opinion about.
What you should do instead is figure out the important/urgent things in your life that require an immediate answer, and try your best to gravitate towards the most good you can imagine.
The rest is simply to trust that you'll have an answer in time and to prepare yourself for solving challenges of uncertainty. Because all of life is uncertain.
The most important thing you can learn growing up is how to learn and how to deal with uncertainty.
Gravitate towards things that interest you. Life is short and objectively without central meaning. Your interests are as meaningful as anything else in the universe and a great pointer for where you should direct your life.
Don't be stuck to one identity though, as you evolve, your interest should change and you should follow it.
Read a lot. No excuses. They're like software updates to your brain and give you a different outlook on life.
Put simply, books mature you because you're exposed to different ways of processing life no matter your age. You get to learn sort of what it means to be an adult.
Fiction is a good enough start as anything. You should eventually enter nonfiction though, which is more direct learning than entertainment.
Advice to my 18 year old self
For the first time in your life, you'll probably start thinking more and more about money and directions for your career and even family. All regular human thoughts.
This is usually the age when most people abandon childhood dreams for more serious adult suitable career paths to make them money. This is bullshit.
You shouldn't rush to be like others simply because being you is hard. That's also what makes you valuable to society. Because by definition you're only as valuable as you are irreplaceable.
A better way to plan your future is to follow your interests. Now, this isn't to say that you should not think about money and things like that because those things are needed to give you peace of mind.
Follow interests with a clear direction towards your ideal overall self. That is to say, think about the kind of person you want to be when you're older, then list all your interests and for each, there will be a satisfaction to success index. That is to say how easy it is to accomplish and how much satisfaction it brings you.
As an example being a writer might satisfy you on a scale of 9/10 but the success rate might be 2/10. Risky but highly satisfactory. Should you do it? Only in as much as you have nothing else with a higher success/satisfaction index.
For example, you might wish to also make apps, in that case being a programmer is high interest, say 7/10 but also a higher success rate of 7/10.
Why not be a programmer first? And work your way towards being a writer if it still interests you?
Also, career paths aren't the only interest you'll have. Things like free time, family, health should also factor in. Some career paths are more satisfying but require more sacrifices. Again only your interests can help you decide.
But if it turns out that being a movie director or an entrepreneur is the only thing that interests you 10/10 and no other suitable interest category exists then you should go all in.
Sorting by interest is so important as it compensates for the hard work and lack of success.
Ultimately, because all of your life will radiate around this interest you'll at least feel a sense of purpose and direction every day and you can't imagine how rare that is today.
It won't be easy though, following this internal compass. Sometimes you'll think you've made the wrong decision or that life could've been better if you did something else.
I've come to realize you'll always feel this way no matter the direction you take. If so, then it's best to at least truly want what you're spending your life on.
Death teaches us that there is fundamentally nothing to lose. In the end all scores, mistakes, memories, events are wiped clean by time.
In your final moments, when you're more a watcher of life rather than a partaker. Will there be something you truly wanted to do but never did?
That's what I fundamentally want to escape. I want to not have any unresolved life goals on my to-do list.
Keep a to-do list for life. Before you die what are five things you want to accomplish3. That's enough to give you an overarching sense of direction.
When it comes to goal setting be aspirational rather than realistic. Because you know so little about the world that being realistic is just based on your own limited assumptions, so by definition not real.
You have to first engage with the world to learn how it works. Before you can be realistic.
When your goals are bigger than who you are, however, it forces you to become more, and even if you fall short of the mark you've become better than you imagined as a consequence.
Finally, be kind to yourself. Love yourself like your life depends on it4. Being a human isn't easy.
Give yourself some credit. Life itself is the first gift as most of the universe can not experience it. No matter how bad things get, if you think happiness is possible, even if just for a second. Then life is worth living because that's more than a rock will ever get.
Happiness is a mental state than anything else
P.S I also made the cover image for this article around the same time with Figma : )
Benjamin Hardy has an interesting article about “Deathbed mentality”
Most people know Naval Ravikant, but his brother Kamal is a brilliant writer and wrote the book “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It“ which I recommend.
It’s also so powerful to look back at your past self and think WOW!!! I’ve come so far 🥹
I love the idea of ‘letter to your past self’!
I think a lot of pressure has been lifted off my chest since I came to terms with the fact that the past is the past...and you can’t change the past, but you can change the future !